We sell coffee and some other cool stuff. We are killing it in the caffine and sandwiches biz we don’t need to sell your info to other parties, that is what Google and Facebook is for. They are for sure tellling the FBI agent assigned to you what your favorite coffee and candles are.
We are just kidding so calm down, redo the corners on your tin-foil hat. Don't go trying to sue us later with some nonsense like 'I thought that was all NOT satire. It clearly is. If you're one of those people that actually cares about privacy: Use the telegraph for long distance communication. Now drink up and and go do something nice for someone else, remember your FBI Agent is watching you!